I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
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