The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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