Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
