I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
