I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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