i think my tv is drunk
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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