When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
