Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
