Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
