Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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