can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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