I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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