when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
