More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Where is the hickey?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
