she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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