My hair reeks of homosexuality.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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