Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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