Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
