is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
