dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
