There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
