man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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