He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
