That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
