Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
