I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The air was thick with penises
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
