i can't believe i had my finger in that
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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