My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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