The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
