Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
