Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I intend to get homeless drunk
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize