I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
