We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize