yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
