areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
