So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he fucked my hip out of place.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
