There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize