I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize