wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
