don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
