I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
