i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
