do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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