if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
