no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
