maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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