hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
