Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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