The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
