Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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