You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
