just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
