RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
