At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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