i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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