The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
im on a boat
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