I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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