It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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