she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
