True but thats because hes a fetus.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize