I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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