Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
