Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
