Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
