i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
