I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
