It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
