the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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