..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
oh god the rape fog is back!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
