sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
