Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
