Soap is not a condiment
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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