I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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