I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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