Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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