Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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