I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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