My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
