One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
