maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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