all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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