The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
How naked do you want me to be?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize