The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
