rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
