im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
no, he came in my armpit
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
