I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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