Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
