apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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