Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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