Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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