i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
