haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
