he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
