help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
