Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
