Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
