I wish I only lived at night.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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