Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
