Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
