Will you blow on my dice?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize