Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I touched a dick in church today
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize