Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Dear god my vagina.
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