I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
