do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
