i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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