I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
