batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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