; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
